What Is Matrescense?

A whole-person transition

Matrescence names the physical, psychological, emotional, social and identity transition into motherhood. Anthropologist Dana Raphael introduced the term in the 1970s to describe the time of mother becoming. Matrescence may begin during pregnancy, continue long after birth and recur with each child or new stage of parenting. There is no single timeline and no one right way to experience it.

What might be shifting

• Your body, energy, sleep, and relationship with time

• Your sense of identity, competence, and freedom

• Your relationships with a partner, family, friends, and work

• Your values, priorities, boundaries, and expectations

• Your experience of love, grief, joy, anger, loneliness, or ambivalence

Support the transition

• Name what has changed - including what you miss and what you value now.

• Make room for mixed feelings. Gratitude and struggle can exist together.

• Lower perfectionistic expectations and practice self-compassion.

• Protect small moments for rest, nourishment, movement and connection.

• Ask for specific help: a meal, an errand, a listening ear, a nap window or childcare.

• Seek support when distress feels persistent, intense or interferes with functioning.

• Motherhood is not synonymous with sacrifice. Support, rest and care are part of healthy adaptation.

When checking in with a new parent

Use open questions and listen without fixing: Just Ask - How are you? How is parenthood feeling for you so far? What kind of support would feel useful this week? Avoid assumptions and bias about feeding, bonding, sleep, or how someone should feel. Offer genuine care and unconditional support.

BOOK SUGGESTIONS

*Mothershift: Relaiming Motherhood as a Rite of Passage, by Jessie Harrold

*The Birth of a Mother; How Motherhood Experience Changes You Forever, by Daniel Stern

Mama Rising by Amy Taylor Kabbaz Matrescense, by Lucy Jones

Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health

Mental health starts at birth

Infant and early childhood mental health is a young child's developing capacity from birth through age six to experience, regulate and express emotions; form close relationships; and explore the environment and learn - within the expectations of family, community and culture.

What healthy development can look like

• Turning toward a trusted caregiver for comfort or help

• Expressing a full range of feelings in age-appropriate ways

• Gradually building the ability to calm with adult support

• Showing curiosity, playfulness and interest in the world

• Developing relationships while maintaining a growing sense of self

What caregivers can do

• Notice cues: facial expressions, sounds, gestures, movement and changes in behavior.

• Respond warmly and predictably. Nurture especially during distress.

• Name feelings simply: You are sad. I will be with you.

• Co-regulate first; teaching and problem-solving work better after calmness returns.

• Follow the child's lead in play and delight in what captures their attention.

• Repair after hard moments: reconnect, acknowledge what happened and begin again.

• Caregivers do not need to be calm or perfectly responsive all the time; children benefit from many ordinary moments of connection and repair.

• Ask for help when development, behavior, connection, or caregiver stress feels concerning.

Minnesota supports to explore

• Early Childhood Family Education https://dcyf.mn.gov/programs-directory/ecfe

• Help Me Connect https://helpmeconnectmn.org

• Minnesota Family Home Visiting www.health.mn.gov/communities/fhv

• Minnesota Association for Children’s Mental Health: https://macmh.org/

BOOK SUGGESTIONS The Whole Brain Child, by Daniel Siegel Good Inside, by Dr Becky Kennedy,

Listen, by Patty Wiplier and Tosha Schore Raising Children with Big, Bafling Behaviors, by Robyn Gobbel

Secure Parent-Child Relationships

Security grows through everyday moments

A secure attachment relationship develops when a child experiences a caregiver as a dependable source of comfort, protection, and connection. Feeling safe enough to seek support when needed

helps the child feel safe enough to explore, play, learn, and become independent.

See Behavior as Meaningful and Follow Your Child’s Need.

Support exploration

• Watch over me and enjoy with me.

• Help me when a task or feeling becomes too big.

• Delight in my curiosity, effort, and growing independence.

Welcome the return for connection

• Protect and comfort me.

• Help me organize feelings I cannot manage alone.

• Show me that my needs and emotions can be understood.

Be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind

• Children need caregivers to provide both warmth and leadership.

• When possible, follow the child's need. When necessary, take charge with calm, kind limits.

• Security does not require permissiveness or perfect parenting.

Connection includes repair

• Pause and regulate yourself before responding when possible.

• Reconnect after conflict or disconnection.

• Take responsibility without asking the child to care for your feelings.

• Offer a simple repair: I was too loud. That may have felt scary. I am here now.

• Try again. Repeated repair teaches that relationships can recover.

The goal is not to prevent every hard feeling. It is to help a child experience hard feelings within a relationship that remains safe, steady, and connected. Learn more: circleofsecurityinternational.com.

BOOK SUGGESTION

*Raising a Secure Child, by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, & Bert Powell